Chris and I met at school in 1994, we married in July 99. In 2000 I started with endometriosis. This is a debilitating condition that causes scar tissue to develop within your womb and ovaries. It causes horrible pain and can cause infertility.
I had a laparoscopy and was told I couldn’t have children, I was 21. The gynecologist put me on zoladex injections once a month. These stop your periods in order to try to get your symptoms less painful.
You can imagine our total and utter shock when I fell pregnant in Jan 2005. Chris when I met him had become the father figure in his mums household. His 3 siblings he had brought up and so had resigned himself to not wanting children after we had been told I couldn’t.
Within a few months of our pregnancy Chris started to become withdrawn, spending nights staying up really late playing World of Warcraft which we both played. He’d hardly speak to me about anything we needed for our baby before he arrived.
He started getting in trouble at work, when our son was born he was meant to have 3 weeks paternity but his supervisor called 5 days into his second week and told him he was due back at work the following Monday they had too many people off.
A couple of weeks later I woke up at 3pm on a Sunday to find he wasn’t in bed and I hadn’t heard our son. I got up and found my son in his cot and Chris sat in the kitchen nearly in tears. He finally opened up saying he didn’t feel right, if he could get rid of our son he knew it would be a thousand times worse but his head was telling him he’d feel better.
I got him to the Dr’s and he was diagnosed with postnatal depression. Our health visitor was fantastic and she saw us for a full year. Chris had a counselor for that year.
He went back to work and things were going OK. Then Christmas 2006 arrived and he had a breakdown. He’d go to work. I wouldn’t know if he would come home as I knew if he could find a way to end his life he would. He had Tuesday and Wednesday off work and would spend Tuesday night at a work colleagues coming home Wed after our son was in bed.
This went on till October 2008 when one of our cats, we had 2 got them in 1998 Bacardi and Breezer. Breezer was his baby and she got mammary cancer which spread and she was kindly pts.
Chris worked for a week after then he broke down again. This time I told him to stay off work and got him back to the Dr. She signed him off and
changed his medication. He didn’t feel or seem at all himself. The Dr referred him back to the counselling service which this time took months. Whilst he was waiting he had decided he needed to live on his own for his health and all of our relationships.
Our family Dr agreed and supported us both during the waiting for his sessions to start.The Dr and his psychologist diagnosed manic depression with psychosis. He finally started turning a corner in March 2009 and we had a few good months. He decided to stay in the family home and life was getting better.
On May 16th 2009 We were in bed my mum had come to look after our son and gave us a lay in. I was awoken by Chris making a very strange noise like someone was pushing the air out of his lungs. I turned to him and he put his arms out in front of him, then crossed them over his chest. He’d had a Tonic Clonic Seizure, I called an ambulance and he spent the night and next day in our local hospital.
We were told that if it happened again then to call an ambulance, this was the first time he had a seizure we were both in shock. October 11th 2009 a week after our sons birthday, I heard our son (4) calling from the living room daddy stop dancing, daddy stop dancing.
I shot through to our living room and I found Chris laid across the doorway having another Tonic Clonic Seizure. This time he’d landed on the spindles of our computer chair and dislocated his shoulder.
Ambulance called and he spent 2 hrs in hospital, told to go home for a bath and rest. We lived in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. The paramedic commented if Chris had a seizure, on the concrete flights of stairs, he could do some serious head damage. I started looking for houses.
A couple of days before our sons 4th birthday we had gotten another kitten as Bacardi was lonely. Razzi has become Chris’ support animal, he will stay with Chris when he’s having a bad day/night. He’ll follow him everywhere and has now started to sleep on a set of blankets that are near our computer whenever Chris is on there.
We had numerous neurology appointments, in 2011 Chris had an EEG 10 days in hospital monitoring and we were told that he just moves around a lot in his sleep. Now i know that the kicking, punching, jittering of his arms and legs and grinding of his teeth are not his normal sleep pattern. I explained this but they still took Chris off his Anti-seizure tablets
A few weeks later we had a night out thinking that his seizures were a one off. We came home early and Chris went to our local shop, he had a seizure in the street. He had damaged his Achilles tendon so bad, that his ankle was so swollen, the xray couldn’t pick up his ankle properly. They back slabbed his leg in case he’d broken his ankle.
Neurology put him back on his Medication, barring nighttime jitters and kicking punching grinding of teeth everything else seemed fine. Or so I thought.
August 2012 and I noticed the tell tale signs of Chris’ depression creeping in again. He became really snappy, withdrawn, shouting at everyone and sleeping all the time. We went to see the Hobbit in December. Chris had spent a few months talking with an old work colleague and friend. As they were not in the situation it was a bit of a relief to him.
He announced on the way home he had arranged to meet her on the 29th for a few drinks…. Alarm bells began to ring and I told him I wasn’t happy
about it. The 29th came and off he went, myself, mum and son went out so I wasn’t sitting constantly worrying. By this point im Chris’ 24/7 carer I sort his medication, he needs someone with him in case he has another seizure in the street, or his depression spills over and he does something stupid. He has also developed migraines which affects his balance.
In January 2013 my uncle passed away. He had cancer and was 62, the person Chris had been talking to left him alone while we dealt with my grief. March 2013 we went for a night out to celebrate what would have been my uncles 63rd birthday.
My mum asked me if everything between us was alright and I said it was because I had no idea my life would crumble an hour later. So we’re sitting in the pub, I go to the loo and come back to find mum’s talking very quietly to chris.
He’d taken his wedding ring off and had decided he didn’t want to live with us anymore. I had just applied to the council for a house I’d seen in their bidding system. The gates were blue like my Nana and Grandads and as it was my uncles birthday I thought I’d try and get us moved from the flat.
We got lucky and now live in that house.
April 2013 we’re due to go for a birthday meal with my mum, the week before Chris announces he wants a divorce. I have a feeling his Saturday coffee colleague has something to do with it but cannot say what. Mum rings me and I tell her what has been said.
We still go for her birthday meal and have a nice day/evening. Mum says she will guarantee a flat for him so he can have his own place when I get the keys for the house. Monday arrives and I get a call saying the house is now ready to be moved into.
Chris looks at flats but cannot find any he likes, the coffee colleague offers him her sofa till he finds somewhere. So he helps us move into the house, then goes to stay at hers. 2 days later my uncle and aunt come to visit, my uncle tells my mum that he’d seen Chris holding hands with some other woman (coffee colleague) .
He hadn’t been staying on her sofa but in her bed. It turned out he’d also not been taking his antidepressants for 2 months even though I’d been giving him them. “ I don’t need them i’m fine” Breakdown number 3 was in full swing, his head was telling him he was doing the right thing he was in love with (coffee colleague)
8 Weeks after I moved in, he came to see our son. It was one thing he stuck too and saw him every week. He declared his love for us both and wanted to move back in. He realized he was going downhill and even though those weeks were a break from the family home they helped him to see what he wanted, what he missed and most importantly he loved our son.
I got him back on his medication, back to the Dr who put him on the waiting list for another psychologist (who was crap if I’m honest) I keep an eye on Chris 24/7. When he’s in bed if he’s had a bad night it’s a nightmare (pun intended) to get him up 9 times out of 10 you can’t wake him till 9pm. That’s the effects of his depression, epilepsy and medication.
June 2016 Chris had his first absence seizure. we’d gone out to see a friends band and he’d got really angry. Stormed off home then turned violent when mum, our son and myself got home. The police were called and they took him away for the night. Their medical Dr confirmed they thought he’d had an absence, he couldn’t remember a thing. we’d only had 4 pints and he drinks water in-between each pint. He came home the next day and all 3 of us cried, our son had seen everything, Chris felt and still feels guilty to this day. I felt awful and shocked. So now he needs me around when he’s just doing a small shop in case he has an absence.
In 2018 Chris started with massive headaches causing loads of pressure behind his left eye. “if i could pop my eye the pressure would go away” He gets very dizzy and starts sweating like he’s stood in the shower. He lays on the floor when this happens in case he has a seizure.
After being taken to A&E via ambulance due to one of these attacks he finally got an appointment with the balance clinic. They diagnosed vestibular migraine, even more medication has been added to his pile in the morning and night.
How would a garden room 20ftx12ft help?
As Chris is constantly with myself and our son we have nowhere for him to take himself away for a bit of peace or me time. Having this room would
not only allow for him to have time to himself. He can be close to the house without constantly feeling like he’s being watched.
The room will be for him to paint his warhammer models, play warhammer games with our son and he can also paint in there with our son who would benefit from some time with his dad without me being in the next room. Chris used to work for games workshop, his love for the hobby started around 1987 he has been collecting, painting and wishing he could go out and game for a long time.
Life isn’t easy for anyone at the moment, but for Chris to have that space which for the past 15 years he hasn’t would make a hell of a lot of difference to his health and relationship with our son. They have never spent time on their own together.
I am hoping I can turn a 6ftx12ft space into a small resin art crafting room.
If you have gotten this far thank you for reading, if you can donate that would be awesome. I will make anyone who donates a resin piece of their choice and color from the moulds I have. If you cannot donate then please share as it will be just as awesome.